The Toy Story

I want to see you happy! Tell me how is it possible she asked. I pressed the bugs bunny close to my bosom and thought about it for a minute. Then I answered her ‘I don’t know, I need to think’.

For a friend she was, she did her part and left things to me. I gave it a thought after I hung up the phone. There were days when I used to sleep in that corner of the bed grabbing the pillow thinking that the morning to come will bring shine to my dull boring life. I waited for that morning every morning.

As I came of age, 10 years down the line, sleeping in that corner of the bed in darkness with the person I thought was mine, I still thought the same, that the morning to come will bring shine and peace to my boring struggling life. All through this the only one who absorbed all my tears, who listened to my silence, who heard happiness, my sadness through my heart beat, who calmed me down and wiped my nose, who took my beating and who was always there when I needed, who listened to the silence in the room along with me and stared at the ceiling in the night  was ‘The Pillow’.

I now knew why people give importance to soft toys and take care of them like they were alive. There was a point when I borrowed my neice piglet and used to pat it like I was making a baby sleep. I now know what the protagonist of Cast away might have felt in the movie when he loses the only company he has with him “The Ball”. The only ones who will always be there when you need them. However big , small cute or ugly they are. You can always get a hold of them and keep it with you always.

The day I do not have to grab a pillow and sleep or pat a toy to make myself sleep, that day I will be happy .

Moves like Jagger!

It was 2^nd day of my dance class and I felt a little confident that today I am going to give my 100% and remember all the moves by end of the class.

I managed to reach the class on time. When I was coming to U.S , I always thought I would make lots of foreign friends, so I saw this American fellow student of mine who was much older than me and approached her to start a new saga of friendship. I smiled at her, she returned the smile.

So how was your weekdays, I asked. (Hitting myself 10 times in my mind I thought: Errr…weekdays really what was I thinking, maybe I had a starting problem)

She replied anyways saying , ‘Oh it was very bad’.

Ok! So don’t people say  ‘ya it was good’ . It would have made my life so much easier if she had replied this way. Now I was thinking hard what was I supposed to tell her. Thankfully she herself prolonged the conversation by asking how was yours?

(Easy question! I shouted in my   mind with joy J ) It was  very busy I said. And then the silence prevailed. I remembered suddenly what I wanted to say to my fellow students if I ever get a chance to talk to them, so I said well I don’t remember anything that I learnt on first day.

Don’t worry you will get a hang of it, She said.

I thank all my gods that we finally reached the dance room .Phew! I could finally stop to fake that smile in front of her. 

The beautiful instructor started the music. We all took our positions and were ready to rock n roll , err I mean shimmy and shimmy. I was trying to recollect all that I could remember of first day class. As I was about to start the step, she did a full split on the floor, her both legs touched the floor with ease and asked us to follow her.

What? A full split no ways , how can she change the warm up routine. This is not fair. Why all of a sudden the full split. All these thoughts suddenly started running in my  mind for a sudden realization that I got ready in a hurry today. Which meant I wore my old tights and a long top on it, which meant I wasn’t sure if there was any wear and tear in my tights. I had no choice but to follow her. Slowly I started  to get into the full split position looking myself into the mirror and praying. She looked at me too ,not to look at my tear but to look at how I was doing it. I kept looking in the mirror until both my legs were 180 degrees to each other and bingo, there was no wear and tear. I cried happy tears inside and once again with full confidence I was watching every move closely.

C’mon give it to me baby ! Show me the moves my mind shouted with energy. And what she did next , I can never ever imagine that a normal human can really possibly do that or even could think of doing it. The music was still on and she shouted left, left, left, left, right, right, right, right, left right , left right. I was agape and kept staring at what she was moving with so much ease. I looked at the others, nothing in their body seemed to have moved till now. I felt normal. I looked at my instructor again they were still moving. When she said ‘left’ nothing in her body moved except for her left hip muscle, when she said ‘right’ only her right hip muscle moved. And I mean it when I say ONLY HIP AND NOTHING ELSE MOVED.

She was dancing only with her hips. With real determination I decided that I will make my hip muscle move. I tried hard in that full split position I could hardly breathe properly but I kept trying. My hips started talking to me and were shouting at me saying : ‘Idiot how can we move when you are sitting on us’.

After too much of ado my right hip muscle moved and along with it my hip moved upward and along with that moved my knee and right leg upwards. The posture looked more like I was trying to fart. I looked into the mirror had a heartful laugh and later felt embarrassed and stopped moving anything at all. After the class was over I was still shocked of how can somebody even possibly do it. I reached home and kept thinking if I will ever master or even become a beginner in this dance form. Meanwhile my roomie who had no idea what dance form I was learning asked me: how come you never practice your moves after coming home? I think of excuses and reasons to give her and then I laugh at myself and said, I don’t remember the moves.

  

Hips don’t lie!

I found myself getting morose by every passing day as my tummy grew bigger and bigger. Being a rice lover, I couldn’t control my diet however I started jogging. I thought that even this did not work out for me.

If you can’t beat them, join them. So I thought if I can’t reduce it let me bring it to the best use by learning belly dancing.  I joined these classes once a week every Tuesday.

It was my first day of the class, I expected a lot of girls would be joining. When students started pouring in, I saw that not even one was of my age. They were all older women having belly size triple than I had.I thought , so many of them came to embrace and turn their embarrassing belly into a talent. I was happy. The more the belly the better I thought.

The instructor introduced herself. She was a professional belly dancer with a perfect body. Surprisingly I observed that she did not have any belly. In fact her stomach did not have any piece of fat on it. It was totally flat. I kept my energy up by looking at other participants and  then the music started.

She shouted: Step step step , shimmy shimmy shimmy. Relax your hips,shimmy shimmy shimmy.

I followed her, we all did religiously. I started shimmy on my hips. I saw myself in the mirror, that part of stomach where my lower belly was hanging was moving in a vibration. I tried to shimmy my hips again and again the belly moved left and right, making me more upset. I cursed myself for joining the classes. I was determined to reduce it so I started shimmy and hips moved ding dong ding dong left and right. I looked at other fellow students, their belly also did move and all of ours belly moved except for the instructor’s.  My heart sank  and my hips teased me saying we aren’t shimmying your belly is the one which is moving you idiot.

She put her arms outwards and said now move like a butterfly. She did move like a butterfly in a circle and we all were lost like a crippled beggar reaching out to grab somebody.

Lesson Learnt:  Though I did not remember any moves after the class, one thing I learnt was belly dancing is not about moving the belly, it’s about moving the hips. And if you are not shimmying your hips, listen to your hips because they don’t lie.

 While I waited for my cab to pick me up, I saw that there was another dance class going on in the opposite room. It was filled with girls of my age, however I couldn’t make what kind of dance form they were doing. I asked the person standing near the door of that class. Can you tell me what dance form is it I asked?

 Contemporary, he said!

I stared at the room and my eyes twinkled! J

Love like never before!

It was 24 hours since they fought and he had not called her ever since he said those words “It’s over”.

Her heart sank once again but deep down she knew he will call her again. She kept checking her phone every 5 minutes, but no signs of his name popping up. After a routine disappointing unsatisfactory day at office she came back dreading to be home this weekend. Now that he was not talking, she would think about him, remember the times they spent together and brood to the fullest at home doing nothing. She cursed the weekend for giving her so much time to think about him.

She looked in the mirror and saw that face. Her hair was getting grey from everywhere and she could easily figure out that she would be losing all of it soon. She hated the feeling of growing old. All those years of stress stole all the vibrance and energy she had in her and she wondered if she can give herself enough time to fall in love again with the same person.

She heard her phone ringing and her heart beat fastened. She knew it was him. She did not care what he had to say but she was glad he called.

So did you get the courier? Asked Abhi. This was not what she was expecting from him, with a firm voice Rhea said what courier, I dint get anything. Did you call me just to ask this?

Can you open the door and come out he said? 

Is it one of your poor jokes on me again, I am not opening the door because there will be nobody there, said Rhea irritatingly.

Rhea ‘Open the door he said’, his voice sounded exhausted this time.

Hesitatingly she opened the door and peeked through it, she saw him standing in the Balcony where she spends time talking on phone with him. He looked manly as ever leaning on that balcony with a perfect posture.

She never hoped to see him at her place as he lived in New York and she in California but there he was. She jumped out of the house and before she could step out she saw roses in front of the door. She looked at him and smiled. She picked those beautiful red roses. It reminded her how she used to buy roses for herself every valentines as there was nobody to give her. She kept them carefully inside and jumped on to hug him.

Idiot! You came all the way to meet me, she shouted with joy.

I am hungry , I had to take whatever quickest flight I got and haven’t eaten anything since yesterday, he said .

Why do you fight with me like that and she hugged him again.

He hugged her tight and said ‘I won’t I am sorry’. She kissed him gently and apologized for shouting at him.

Pack your bags we are leaving, Abhi had always perfect plans even in an unplanned situation. She quickly grabbed whatever she could and without asking a question she started with him. Sitting in the Luxurious car with him, she felt as if he had been living here since years. He took her to every place that she thought she would go with him when he comes to California. She personally hated this city but only till she saw it from his eyes. She was working in the city and had her friends but has never seen this side of California which Abhi showed her. They went bowling, watched movie, danced, got drunk, the horse ride, watched Sunset together and Rhea loved how Abhi was holding her close to him by her waist all the time. Every time she was with him , he made her feel like a princess.

It was time for him to go, he kissed her on her forehead and she saw him leaving disappearing at the airport security check. She went home and kept chatting with him on her way back home. She saw the roses that he gave her. There were 3 of them in a beautiful vase. She took a close look at them and realized he left a message on each one of them.

The first one said: Fuck the bad moments in the past

The second said: Count the good moments in present.

The third one Said: Hope for best moments in future.

She smiled and thought, sometimes all it takes is to know how much we love each other, and all the troubles in the world look smaller. As for Rhea, she never liked California so much before :)

The Haunting Memories

The jungle path was still not dark and I just hoped the deer does not show up suddenly while I was going way back home from an exhausting jog. I would need to just climb up that mud heap and then be on the main road and 3 mins of walk I would  be home. I fastened my steps looked around for any traces of deer. After all this is U.S, people wouldn’t throw any food chunks in here and there so it wouldnt find any food here I thought to myself and felt safe.

Suddenly out of no where I heard him shout at me. How many times will you ask, he shouted.

But you did not answer me even once I said sadly. I feel like throwing this plate on your head and hitting you hard with it. One more time you ask me that question I am going to do that I swear. And then he started gazing at the Television as if it was his creation which needed a gaze without a blink. I gazed at it too, wondering what was in it that attracted so many people to it.I kept gazing and went inside my room never  to ask him again this question: How is the food?

 

Before I could hear myself cry in my mind, I started jogging again, I ran gazing at the the  heap of mud that lay before me. I ran until I was on the main road, I ran gazing in the air and thinking nothing, I ran as if I was running from all those memories which were haunting me now and then. I had asked him to never let me go and here I was running far away from everything that meant nothing. I ran and never looked behind and then  I ran and ran and ran into happiness all of a sudden.

The Queen!

I always wanted a guy to make me feel like a queen. But I did not know that day would come so soon. I did not know what to expect from this place  I was visiting for the first time. To be honest I was very hesitant and thought for once that I should not be going. But when I reached there I already in my mind decided that I will definitely come here again.

It was a sunny day, I was totally exhausted and when I opened the door I was greeted by a smiling face. The lady pointed to a corner and said: "Choose your color". Like all girls I knew which one I wanted so I immediately chose one. Then she asked, you prefer a lady or a guy?

I knew after all these days of hard work and tiredness, it really did not matter to me. I just wanted to get it done. I told her uninterestingly: ‘It doesn’t matter’. So she gave me a guy anyways and I was immediately escorted by him. He was a man in his middle age but looked younger. The more I did not show my interest in him, the  more even he did not feel comfortable. We never made an eye contact yet we had to be together for 30 minutes in that silence between us. I looked around and saw that the other ladies without any hesitation flirted with their guys. The fat lady even before the guy could introduce himself asked, so do I get you every time I come here? His voice young and feeble, I could not hear what he was saying. She went louder on him, hold it a little lower she said and he followed her instructions. 

Me being shy I pretended to read messages in my phone and then I looked at this guy who was sitting on his knees in front of me, he kept staring at other people and asked me the basic questions he was supposed to out of obligation. He took the remote first and switched it on. And then he started his magic with his fingers. I could not believe that I was looking at my own legs.The massaging chair, the nail color, the foot massage, it felt so heavenly. He made me feel like a Queen. Ladies your feet deserve better, treat yourself with a refreshing pedicure!
                                      Get your guy now!

Back To Square One

Do you realize how much this costed our company? He Shouted at her as if there was no tomorrow.
Do you realize what a blunder you have done by messing up with the production data. What am I going to answer our customers. He shouted again at the top of his voice.


With 4 years of expertise in her work, this was the first time she had to face a situation like this. She did not know why she had to bear all the shunting when it was not her mistake at all. She knew that convincing him was impossible at that moment. So taking the responsibility on herself she said in a calm and composed voice: ''I was given the wrong information, there was a miscommunication”. You can ask Aneesh about this. It was his task. He delegated it to me. He is the one who should be answerable to you.

She knew all this was in vain , Aneesh being her manager's favorite resource, nothing could save her. It was one of those bad days for her. No matter how hard or smart she worked, it was Aneesh who ended up taking the credit. But she did not blame her manager for this. That night after going home , she thought about it and blamed herself for not knowing how to lick managers whatever,for not knowing how to project herself , and for not knowing how to outdo the sweet talking/back stabbing morons.

The next day, by the time she had reached office, she had already decided that no matter whose mistake it was, no matter whose responsibility it was, she is going to fix all the mess. As soon as she reached the office, she put a mail to her onsite guy stating the same and he was quite convinced.

When she was in the middle of her work, her phone buzzed. It was her manager.
Can you come to my desk, we are going to have a call with the customer now, he informed her in a stern voice. She went to his desk and the call was already on.

He nodded his head signaling her to come and sit.
No sir! This is the first time it happened and I will make sure that its the last time too. You know that we have always delivered quality products to you. We are going to fix the mess. We just need sometime. We have experts here and the best of resources...he was trying hard to convince them.
The phone was on speaker. He muted it for a second, and bare teeth he said , have you not fixed the mess yet?
She said, I was working on it when you called me here.
Well then make it fast, 'you are too slow', he said irritatingly.
You should be knowing by now that we are the best in giving 100percent customer satisfaction.

Ya right,hiring the college pass outs who have no idea on what the job is and what their future would be in the company and cheating them on offering a huge salary and making them work like a dog always pays off. If customer is still not satisfied then may be you should rip off their skin and sell it in the market, she thought to herself.

By evening she was relieved of everything. The issue was finally fixed and She asked herself; What did she do to be with people like her manager and Aneesh? What did she do to be at a place that she doesn't deserve? Doesn't she deserve good things in life?

Cursing her fate and life, she was on her way home. She saw a mall and decided that she'll buy herself something to cheer up herself. She entered the mall full of colorful accessories. Just when she was getting bored of the regular stuff which she usually sees in mall, a black top caught her eyes. She immediately grabbed it before any other girl could buy it.

She went to pay the bill accompanied by a minor girl who could hardly read English.She passed the top to the Cashier who very confidently was impressing another customer. He grinned at the other customer who came along with his healthy daughter. He was saying , would you like to buy something else for your daughter sir? You know that we have number of quality products here.
No ,said the man firmly.

On the other side he shouted at that minor girl and said -now don't stand like that. Cant you see madam is waiting.Just tell me the price written on that tag.Make it fast, 'you are too slow', . Paying the bill, she smiled looking at the little girl and she thought to herself 'What did the little girl do to be at a place that she doesn't deserve? Doesn't she deserve good things in life?' Leaving the mall ,she was all prepared for another day at office.

The Proposal

The cool breeze blew her hair so much that it reminded her of those bike rides she had with Abhi. She just hated to remember any of the memories she had of him. Now that she was into a new place, new organization it was getting a little easier for her to get over him.

She knew she was not alone in this getting over process, as long as she had Varun with her. Varun - this was the first name she knew in her new Oraganisation.
1 year of pick ups and drops and Varun has become her best friend now.
It was late in the evening when Varun was dropping her. As usual, Sitting behind like a little girl experiences a bike ride for the first time , she closed her eyes tight. Being the shy gal she was, she always wondered even now if it was Ok to hold him while he was driving.


Her eyes started watering due to strong wind. She literally screamed : Varun can you pls go slow...
He turned his face back towards her and shouted back What? I can't hear you.

I said, Can you pls go slow, you are driving too fast, she repeated.

Ok ok Sanaa, stop shouting I can hear you, he said changing the gear.

She closed her eyes again , this time not because of the wind. Those memories with Abhi haunted her again. The blowing wind was as if Abhi was whispering to her all those words again – that he would go to any extent to convince his parents, he would get married to her and that she was the best for him. Not that he was the first guy who wanted to marry her , but he was definitely the first guy whom she had said Yes once. And that was the day when she had decided never to say Yes again to anybody.

She kept her eyes closed for sometime and then she heard in her mind, the last words they had spoken to each other on the day they parted forever- Sanaa , you cannot blame me if my parents don't want you with me. They are very important for me and I cannot leave them.
And what about me? You did not think of me before you made this decision? She remembered asking him in low shocking voice.

Oh c'mon, you know how much I tried convincing them..and ok I confront that I was foolish,, that my proposal was a mistake...It was all so fast, I should have taken some time to think about it. It was a mistake I pursued you for 2 years , I should have known that it was just an infatuation. Lets cut it out here. It was just that I trusted my parents too much...
With tears rolling her eyes she said, and I trusted you.

Suddenly she heard somebody screaming ,”You jerk, wanna die or something”? Her thoughts of Abhi freezed there, she woke up to realize that she was leaning on Varun's shoulders holding him tight and was asleep for quite sometime. Varun was shouting at the auto wallah who almost dashed them. It was getting darker.
She asked him “ Varun , how long have we been driving and why did not you wake me up? Where are we now?
Whoa! So many qtns you ask princess. Its been 1hr and we haven't reached yet. He said turning back at her. He loved calling her that way.
He looked into her eyes , the wind blowing her hair, the dupatta falling off her shoulders, he loved every bit of her. He loved talking to her while driving and looked at her glowing face now and then.

Worriedly she said, Can you pls keep you r head on the road and not on my face. And 1hr? Why haven't we reached yet? It takes only half an hour to reach my place from office. Varun don't tel me you missed the destination again as usual.

We are not going to your place princess, we are going somewhere else , he said.

What? Its already too late now. Take me home, I am not coming with you anywhere else. Take me home, she shouted.

Relax! Don't be such a spoil sport. Remember tomorrow is new year and my last day at this office. Allow me to give you party at least.

Ok fine. But at least tell me where are we going? Where are you taking me? She asked again

He said , Thats a surprise. Just be quiet and trust me.
She did not say a word.

After driving for another half an hour, they got down infront of a building that looked like a luxurious villa.

He asked her to wait inside till he parks the vehicle.
Hesitatingly she went inside the house. All the lights were switched off. She switched on the lights. It was the most beautiful house she had ever seen. She saw Varun's photo kept at a corner. She lifted the photo and saw Varun closely for the first time. She knew that the feelings she had for him were something beyond just friendship.
Just when she was enjoying being at that place , she heard somebody calling her name. It was Varun in the next room.
She went towards the room, it was all dark. Somebody grabbed her by her waist and pulled inside the room.
She struggled to free herself ,her heart beats were fast now and just when she was about to scream, somebody closed her mouth.
Varun ? She asked in a surprise.
He took off his hand away from her mouth in the darkness and whispered to her, “Shh...Dont be afraid of the Dark.. Princess..I am here with you..Don't be afraid.

He knew very well how much she was afraid of the dark. It was when he was playing a prank on her in the darkness at their common friend's place, she revealed it herself. He still remembered that was the first fight she had with him and how hard she had slapped him that day. Things have changed a lot with her, now that he was with her when ever she needed him.

He pulled her towards him this time with all the command. She let herself go. They felt each others breath on the lips. He raised her chin with his finger and kissed her lips. She did not resist. He switched on the lights, took a diamond ring from his pocket, bent on his knees and taking her hand in his hands, he asked ' Will you be my princess for the rest of my life' ? Will you marry me?

She looked into his eyes. It was time for her to move on. It was time for her to forget the past. It was time for her to trust again.

It was time for her to say 'Yes' . She smiled at him and lovingly said 'Yes' .